hi there! how was your labor day? hopefully awesome and filled with the kind of wonder that only the holiday at the end of summer can bring. i've never really been sure of what labor day celebrates, unless it's some unspoken homage to the god of grills or something. if you lived in my mom's house, though, it was meant for labor. she'd make us get up at six in the morning and build something, or clean something, or move stuff around. (my mom is a furniture hoarder, and is constantly having to rearrange her house to make room for another couple of couches or a dresser. she has dressers in the living room. i am sadly not kidding.) i, as the oldest and the only person who had any ability to cook, would have to make lunch and dinner for my millions of brothers who would be hungry, hot, and cranky from the forced, well... labor. this was the story of every labor day of my childhood. in fact, i was often the only cook in my house, and had to perfect the "quick food for a crapton of people" recipes that save my butt in the kitchen to this day. my mom wouldn't let me leave the house until i had something for dinner going, which was my chore for four nights a week. the other nights were pizza night, lasagna sunday, and leftovers. (these nights, by the way? never change. and the lasagna is the frozen kind that comes from sam's. i never can make it to sunday without the nostalgic smell of the many times my mom forgot to take the carboard off the lasagna before cooking it coming flooding back to my nostrils...)
anyway, i learned very quickly that one of the best and cheapest (why cheap? oh, cause i had to make the food budget lists for the family too. i don't think this qualifies as child abuse, but i'm not completely sure on that.) ways to feed the fam was to make soup. one pot meals are always the way to go, as you can cram a whole heck of a lot of stuff into one pot, set it cooking, and then flee the scene while you still have permission to use your dad's car. i've gotten pretty expert at soups of all kinds, and make them whenever an occasion calls for it. my chef husband even steals my recipes for the restaurant sometimes, and that's pretty much the biggest "i love you- and your food" i ever get from that guy. labor day, for me as an adult, means the beginning of soup season and my favorite time of year to actually get up and cook something.
my new favorite soup, since the discovery that wheat makes me seven different kinds of sick, is lentil. there's a bunch of folks who just made that "yukky" face that's sometimes seen on poison bottles when i said that, but trust me. it's good. it's also vegetarian- in fact, it's vegan and is completely non-processed in terms of ingredients and you can get almost all the stuff for it at your local farmer's market, if you're so inclined. i pretty much get all the ingredients at walmart, but i am a poor librarian. do whatever your conscience tells you is right, luke. so here's the recipe of the day: gluten free, vegan lentil soup. the ingredients might seems a little weird, but it's the best stuff ever with some cheese (not vegan then, i guess) on top and some rice crackers or a sandwich. yum. i love september.
Lentil Soup
sautee up one diced onion and four cups sliced carrots in olive oil til they are nice and tender
add in two cans of rotel tomatoes and chilis, undrained (or some diced up tomatoes and green chilis from the market, if you wanna)
put in six-eight cups of water and veggie boullion, or veggie broth, or even chicken broth if you don't care about that
rough chop a big bunch of spinach and put that in the pot too
add in 1 and 1/2 cup of green lentils
season with salt and pepper
add the juice and zest of two lemons
simmer for 45 minutes or until the lentils are tender.
serve with cheddar cheese on top, if you're eating cow products, and put in some lovely almond crackers or a sandwich of some kind. perfect for those days in september that have a little nip to them.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
why am i not sleeping? *now with recipes!*
i gotta be up at 6:15 am tomorrow, ducklings. why, oh why am i NOT SLEEPING? i wish i knew. insomnia is no fun at all... by the time i actually enter dreamland that dang alarm clock will have gone off and i'll be driving my happy ass to the middle of nowhere to provide library services to possibly five people. i just keep telling myself that i love my job (repeat as mantra til i start to believe it) and that i'm thankful to have it. sigh. if i could just get over ambiguous job descriptions, people's hurt feelings, non-working phones, and the fact that i have to deal with middle school aged children, i would have a dream job. apparently this is why i went to college. don't tell my mom.
so, life hasn't been all that fun lately. work is hard, i got an awful creepy crud coming back from my vacation that made my 30th birthday both miserable and anticlimactic, and i completely screwed myself in terms of money and my husband (who is usually the most longsuffering dude on the planet) found out about it. guess which thing has caused the most trouble? yup, the money. i have got to figure out how to handle money. it's a weakness that i have had to deal with since i had money to spend resulting in a horrible credit score, a debt settlement, and a lot of marital spats. well, no longer. i have a budget spreadsheet, which makes me feel quite the adult, and a complete intent to use it. we'll see. the best part is that it does all the adding for me, as i am a moron who has completely failed at all things math. i'm going to say that math is more of a "concept" to us artistic types than "fact" but the "fact" is that math comes up and bites me in the butt every dang time. (i want you to imagine me doing the air fingers thing with the quotation marks in the last sentence.) so i am hoping that this will work. after all, if i can stick to the danged gluten free diet, i can stick to a budget, right?
speaking of the gluten freeness, i have been cooking and i have found a recipe! first off, i was having quite a time finding gluten free cream of mushroom soup and was despairing, as i am american and that's a pretty crucial ingredient to most of our haute cuisine. i was overjoyed to find out that walmart has a gluten free mushroom soup that's quite good and doesn't break the budget. so, i was going to make pot roast tonight, and i always use the packet for the slow cookert, til i looked at it this morning and saw that they third ingredient on the label was "wheat gluten". and then i panicked, cause i already had the roast thawed and i had no beef boullion and what the heck was i gonna do cause i needed to go to work in half an hour! and then i calmed down and made this recipe. it's good too! and i'm not just saying that- the three people i live with also really liked it. so here i go: first recipe on this site- just for you!
Gluten Free Pot Roast (capitalized so you know it's important)
1 5lb rump roast
1 can gluten free cream of mushroom soup (from walmart)
1/4 C gluten free soy sauce
1 small bag baby carrots
1 onion, sliced
1 C water
1/4 C gluten free flour
salt and pepper to taste
season the roast with the salt and pepper. put in crockpot, along with the soup, soy sauce, water, and veggies. (you can brown the meat first if you want it to stay together, i prefer my pot roast as more of a stew.) cook on low 8 hours, or high 4 hours. when you come back to the roast, there should be a lot of juices. take out about a half a cup of the juice and put in the bowl with the flour. add a little tap water til the mix becomes a slurry. add to the rest of the roast in the pot, straining if it's lumpy. this makes the gravy! give it another ten minutes or so and then eat with potatoes or noodles.
ok- gonna try to go to sleep now. i'll see every body on the flip side!
so, life hasn't been all that fun lately. work is hard, i got an awful creepy crud coming back from my vacation that made my 30th birthday both miserable and anticlimactic, and i completely screwed myself in terms of money and my husband (who is usually the most longsuffering dude on the planet) found out about it. guess which thing has caused the most trouble? yup, the money. i have got to figure out how to handle money. it's a weakness that i have had to deal with since i had money to spend resulting in a horrible credit score, a debt settlement, and a lot of marital spats. well, no longer. i have a budget spreadsheet, which makes me feel quite the adult, and a complete intent to use it. we'll see. the best part is that it does all the adding for me, as i am a moron who has completely failed at all things math. i'm going to say that math is more of a "concept" to us artistic types than "fact" but the "fact" is that math comes up and bites me in the butt every dang time. (i want you to imagine me doing the air fingers thing with the quotation marks in the last sentence.) so i am hoping that this will work. after all, if i can stick to the danged gluten free diet, i can stick to a budget, right?
speaking of the gluten freeness, i have been cooking and i have found a recipe! first off, i was having quite a time finding gluten free cream of mushroom soup and was despairing, as i am american and that's a pretty crucial ingredient to most of our haute cuisine. i was overjoyed to find out that walmart has a gluten free mushroom soup that's quite good and doesn't break the budget. so, i was going to make pot roast tonight, and i always use the packet for the slow cookert, til i looked at it this morning and saw that they third ingredient on the label was "wheat gluten". and then i panicked, cause i already had the roast thawed and i had no beef boullion and what the heck was i gonna do cause i needed to go to work in half an hour! and then i calmed down and made this recipe. it's good too! and i'm not just saying that- the three people i live with also really liked it. so here i go: first recipe on this site- just for you!
Gluten Free Pot Roast (capitalized so you know it's important)
1 5lb rump roast
1 can gluten free cream of mushroom soup (from walmart)
1/4 C gluten free soy sauce
1 small bag baby carrots
1 onion, sliced
1 C water
1/4 C gluten free flour
salt and pepper to taste
season the roast with the salt and pepper. put in crockpot, along with the soup, soy sauce, water, and veggies. (you can brown the meat first if you want it to stay together, i prefer my pot roast as more of a stew.) cook on low 8 hours, or high 4 hours. when you come back to the roast, there should be a lot of juices. take out about a half a cup of the juice and put in the bowl with the flour. add a little tap water til the mix becomes a slurry. add to the rest of the roast in the pot, straining if it's lumpy. this makes the gravy! give it another ten minutes or so and then eat with potatoes or noodles.
ok- gonna try to go to sleep now. i'll see every body on the flip side!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
things happen....
again, it seems, i have let too much time lapse between our chats. i am sorry. i care for you, my ducklings, i really do. life just gets in the way of me speaking with you regularly, which honestly is a pretty shabby excuse for laziness. i do have quite a few hours in the day that i could use to speak, but for some reason they're taken up with the very important pursuits of reading trashy mysteries i find on my library shelves and watching youtube videos about mermaids. i really wish i was making the mermaid thing up, by the way. i'm not. ahh, the life of a bored librarian. but let's turn our attention to something a wee bit more edifiying, shall we?
so, three weeks ago, part of my city burned down. the waldo canyon fire, in its incredible day of destruction, burned over three hundred homes in my neighborhood. i don't really have a lot to say about that- the media and local and state governments have done a really amazing job letting people know what's been going on in our neck of the woods. my husband, cat, room mate, and i were evacuated for five days- we weren't in any danger (the fire ended about a mile and a half from our house) but we needed to be out of the way of the firefighters and law enforcement people who were doing their very important jobs. i could go on and on about how much being evacuated stunk, and how i know that i will never ever ever again be able to live with my parents for longer than five days, and how one large cat vs. two small dogs equals total chaos, but it's not important. we're home and we're safe. there are a lot of people who can't say that, and i know or have met a good majority of them. not only do i live near the burn area, but i was a local librarian there for five years, and we're a pretty close community. hearts were broken, and now it's time to heal. i also would like this to be my heartfelt thank-you to the firefighters and law enforcement who took an absolutely horrible situation and made it better. things could have been so much worse, and i thank everybody involved from the bottom of my heart. you're heroes, you know.
also during this wonderful time, i made a rather unfortunate personal discovery. i had been trying to loose weight for my trip to new orleans (i am going for my thirtieth birthday. thirty! geez.) and started a diet where i wasn't eating many carbs. i have been struggling my whole life with intestinal issues, and pretty much thought that i would just have to live with em and that they weren't that bad. well, a side effect of not eating a lot of carbs is not eating a lot of wheat products. i started doing that, and within TWO DAYS i had no more stomach issues. no more symptoms. huh, i thought. so i looked up gluten intolerance on the interwebs, and i had nine out of ten of the symptoms. so no more gluten for me, i guess. i know that there's a test that you get that confirms celiac disease and such, but i'm not going to pay money to get it done. all i know is that i didn't feel good, i stopped eating gluten, and now i do feel good. that's all i need to know.
of course, this means a life change. i don't have a problem sticking to the diet, because i feel better. i do have a problem with being a foodie, as now i can't eat in nearly all the places i want to, and i have a baked goods issue that is as shameful as it is problematic. i am no baker, so making my own won't work for me. i have a bit of grief over no more italian restaurants (yes, the chains have gluten free menus. with salad on them. and gummy pasta with marinara. not what i want, i tells ya.), no more green chili and fried food at the fair, no more cinnamon rolls at the mall..... and the list goes on. but i feel like crap if i eat it now, and i can't believe i put up with that level of discomfort for that long. it's just a life change that is really hard, because i love food and experiencing new foods, and eating out with friends, and the having to be so careful is really quite a drag. sigh.
ok. that was not the same level of suck as the fire, i know. hose of us dealing closely with the fire are still in a bit of shock. someday, i'll be able to write about how much it breaks my heart, seeing my mountains blackened and charred, seeing rubble instead of homes on the hillsides, knowing families who have lost it all.... but the wound is still too fresh. so i'll mope instead about my dietary restrictions and be sad that a favorite part of my life isn't really available to me any more- it's a coping mechanism.
hopefully my next post will be a return to goofy, with maybe a side of gluten-free recipes thrown in for good measure. we'll see. i'm ready for happy.
so, three weeks ago, part of my city burned down. the waldo canyon fire, in its incredible day of destruction, burned over three hundred homes in my neighborhood. i don't really have a lot to say about that- the media and local and state governments have done a really amazing job letting people know what's been going on in our neck of the woods. my husband, cat, room mate, and i were evacuated for five days- we weren't in any danger (the fire ended about a mile and a half from our house) but we needed to be out of the way of the firefighters and law enforcement people who were doing their very important jobs. i could go on and on about how much being evacuated stunk, and how i know that i will never ever ever again be able to live with my parents for longer than five days, and how one large cat vs. two small dogs equals total chaos, but it's not important. we're home and we're safe. there are a lot of people who can't say that, and i know or have met a good majority of them. not only do i live near the burn area, but i was a local librarian there for five years, and we're a pretty close community. hearts were broken, and now it's time to heal. i also would like this to be my heartfelt thank-you to the firefighters and law enforcement who took an absolutely horrible situation and made it better. things could have been so much worse, and i thank everybody involved from the bottom of my heart. you're heroes, you know.
also during this wonderful time, i made a rather unfortunate personal discovery. i had been trying to loose weight for my trip to new orleans (i am going for my thirtieth birthday. thirty! geez.) and started a diet where i wasn't eating many carbs. i have been struggling my whole life with intestinal issues, and pretty much thought that i would just have to live with em and that they weren't that bad. well, a side effect of not eating a lot of carbs is not eating a lot of wheat products. i started doing that, and within TWO DAYS i had no more stomach issues. no more symptoms. huh, i thought. so i looked up gluten intolerance on the interwebs, and i had nine out of ten of the symptoms. so no more gluten for me, i guess. i know that there's a test that you get that confirms celiac disease and such, but i'm not going to pay money to get it done. all i know is that i didn't feel good, i stopped eating gluten, and now i do feel good. that's all i need to know.
of course, this means a life change. i don't have a problem sticking to the diet, because i feel better. i do have a problem with being a foodie, as now i can't eat in nearly all the places i want to, and i have a baked goods issue that is as shameful as it is problematic. i am no baker, so making my own won't work for me. i have a bit of grief over no more italian restaurants (yes, the chains have gluten free menus. with salad on them. and gummy pasta with marinara. not what i want, i tells ya.), no more green chili and fried food at the fair, no more cinnamon rolls at the mall..... and the list goes on. but i feel like crap if i eat it now, and i can't believe i put up with that level of discomfort for that long. it's just a life change that is really hard, because i love food and experiencing new foods, and eating out with friends, and the having to be so careful is really quite a drag. sigh.
ok. that was not the same level of suck as the fire, i know. hose of us dealing closely with the fire are still in a bit of shock. someday, i'll be able to write about how much it breaks my heart, seeing my mountains blackened and charred, seeing rubble instead of homes on the hillsides, knowing families who have lost it all.... but the wound is still too fresh. so i'll mope instead about my dietary restrictions and be sad that a favorite part of my life isn't really available to me any more- it's a coping mechanism.
hopefully my next post will be a return to goofy, with maybe a side of gluten-free recipes thrown in for good measure. we'll see. i'm ready for happy.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
random list of bad clothing choices i saw in chipotle
ok, let's face it. i spend an inordinate amount of time in chipotle mexican grill. i can't help it. they just need to stop putting crack in all of their food- because that's really the only reason i can think of that would result in my level of chronic addiction. also, the burritos are the size of my head. when you're as poor as i am, that's a really big selling point. at any rate, i'm there a lot. for some reason, the chipotle that i frequent has a lot of people who make fashion choices that most kindly could be described as "questionable" and unkindly described as "awful". now, i'm not against making a bold fashion statement, mind, but well- just let me tell you what i've seen:
#1: brown girl in brown, skintight volleyball shorts. now, i know that one of our local high school's colors are white and brown- i get that. but this girl's skin was the exact same shade as her teeny tiny shorts, and i first saw her from behind. she looked like she was only wearing a shirt. a short shirt. i was horrified until she turned around, and then i realized that she had an androgynous barbie doll front. i was still horrified, but only to understand that she didn't care that people might think she was going around bare-assed. ahh, to be seventeen again.
#2: pith helmet and short shorts with sandals on a portly gentleman. it may not have actually been a pith helmet, but dude looked like indiana jones crossed with an elderly day tourist. i almost expected him to burst out with an "egad! an oriole in its natural environment! take its picture with me for posterity! include my whip!" except for that we were in a chain burrito restaurant.
#3 a younger guy with pockets that were entirely too decorated. i don't have much to say about this- you've all seen those guys. but seriously- how do they sit down comfortably? i would think all that ass bling chafes.
#4 hipster in light blue and grey striped shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and black air jordans with knee high black socks. i guess when you're still figuring out your identity, your wardrobe can become confused. it's all: "i'm a sensitive, poetry writing, dave matthews band loving, tree hugging liberal" on top and "i can talk about sports!!!!! see? i have basketball shoes! i'm like a gangster!" on the bottom. gotta play to all the demographics, ya know. who knows what the girls like nowadays, anyway?
in case you guys are wondering, except for one of these, i saw all of this today. my chipotle is, frankly, awesome like that. and no. i'm not telling you where it is. get your own people watching restaurant! (preferably one that puts crack in their food. it helps with the people watching if you have to be there all the time.)
#1: brown girl in brown, skintight volleyball shorts. now, i know that one of our local high school's colors are white and brown- i get that. but this girl's skin was the exact same shade as her teeny tiny shorts, and i first saw her from behind. she looked like she was only wearing a shirt. a short shirt. i was horrified until she turned around, and then i realized that she had an androgynous barbie doll front. i was still horrified, but only to understand that she didn't care that people might think she was going around bare-assed. ahh, to be seventeen again.
#2: pith helmet and short shorts with sandals on a portly gentleman. it may not have actually been a pith helmet, but dude looked like indiana jones crossed with an elderly day tourist. i almost expected him to burst out with an "egad! an oriole in its natural environment! take its picture with me for posterity! include my whip!" except for that we were in a chain burrito restaurant.
#3 a younger guy with pockets that were entirely too decorated. i don't have much to say about this- you've all seen those guys. but seriously- how do they sit down comfortably? i would think all that ass bling chafes.
#4 hipster in light blue and grey striped shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and black air jordans with knee high black socks. i guess when you're still figuring out your identity, your wardrobe can become confused. it's all: "i'm a sensitive, poetry writing, dave matthews band loving, tree hugging liberal" on top and "i can talk about sports!!!!! see? i have basketball shoes! i'm like a gangster!" on the bottom. gotta play to all the demographics, ya know. who knows what the girls like nowadays, anyway?
in case you guys are wondering, except for one of these, i saw all of this today. my chipotle is, frankly, awesome like that. and no. i'm not telling you where it is. get your own people watching restaurant! (preferably one that puts crack in their food. it helps with the people watching if you have to be there all the time.)
Thursday, June 14, 2012
i can't get no satisfaction
hi there ducklings! i thought i might just drop in and give all of you a brief update on my life. it's been.... odd. i'm happy with what's going on, for the most part, but everything i'm doing right now gives me a slight bitter taste in my mouth- like fruit that's still pretty good but just starting to turn, or a really good cheese that might just have sat in the fridge a day too long. like it's still tasty, but there's that hint of "not ok". it's enough to make you think, "maybe i shouldn't have eaten that.... wow, i really hope i don't get sick." even though you enjoyed it. this is what my life tastes like right now.
odd thing number one: my job. for the most part, i love what i'm doing. i'm currently a mobile librarian, which isn't to say that i work on a mobile library, but that i myself am mobile. i drive to rural areas to provide library support to the local schools, enabling the entire population to have access to materials and resources- not just the children who are attending. that is very rewarding. that part of the job i love- seeing the kids and their parents come in every day, planning crafts and story times, encouraging participation in the summer reading program... this is all wonderful, and exactly what i want to be doing. i'm excited to start implementing adult programming in the fall, and to start preparing my communities for the new "real" libraries that will be built starting next year. it's exhilarating. it's awesome, and fun, and makes me proud. but- ahh, you say, where's the bitter with all that sweet?
i hate my boss. with a passion. she's not a bad person, in fact, she's quite nice- but she's absolutely horrible to work for. she never provides information i need, never provides the proper training, forgets to tell me crucial pieces of information i need to do my job properly, and every single time i ask to do something new or different or better or slightly outside my job description, she stonewalls me. simply shuts me down. and belittles me in the process. oh, she does it kindly- i really don't think that she means anything but well in her head- but when i get told things like "well, you just don't know- you're new" or "that's just not how we do things here, you'll understand more once you get your feet wet" or "it's not you your volunteers are working for, it's the district- you need to remember that you have no real authority there" i want to scream. i have been a working library employee for six years. i have received as much training as i was allowed to get. i know what i'm doing. i've done it before. this is making me nuts. i just want to do my job as well as i know how, and i'm not being allowed to. bitter, bitter, bitter. it makes me want to rinse out my mouth.
odd thing the second: my diet. i've been on the fence with the diet thing for a long time. i've been wanting to get healthy for a while- not skinny, just healthy. i have a lot of familial health risks that are directly tied to being overweight, and i'm determined not to have them. i want to still be able to walk up stairs when i'm fifty, and i don't want to get diabetes, so i finally decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. what a concept, eh? so i called a friend who has done it, and she helped me come up with a manageable diet plan that i think i might actually be able to follow- i've already made it a record four days. (yeah i know. i'm a pathetic human being with absolutely no will power. so what?) i'm not hungry. i have a lot of people who are helping me. i'm thrilled that this isn't that hard! so what's wrong this time?
my weightloss buddy just decided to move to california. on tuesday. like in five days tuesday. how am i going to do this without my weightloss buddy? i have support from my best friend, and my husband, and i think another friend wants to go on the plan with me, but i need her! yeah i know, i can email and talk on the phone, but it's not the same as knowing that she could drive to my house and slap the shit outta me if i decide that my diet choice that day is going to be eating a pint of icecream and lying around in my underpants watching the mentalist. (i'm not saying i've ever made this choice. i certainly didn't make it a couple of saturdays ago. you have no proof.) i'm just a little bitter. she's making the choice she needed to make, for personal reasons, so i can't begrudge her. i just am selfishly sad that she has to go now! man... it tasted so good.
there are more odd things going on- things that are so good, but have that lingering aftertaste of regret, or anger, or sadness.... i want to be satisfied. i should be satistfied.... but i'm not. i need something perfectly delicious to come along. here's to hoping! (maybe it's just because i'm new.... or not.)
odd thing number one: my job. for the most part, i love what i'm doing. i'm currently a mobile librarian, which isn't to say that i work on a mobile library, but that i myself am mobile. i drive to rural areas to provide library support to the local schools, enabling the entire population to have access to materials and resources- not just the children who are attending. that is very rewarding. that part of the job i love- seeing the kids and their parents come in every day, planning crafts and story times, encouraging participation in the summer reading program... this is all wonderful, and exactly what i want to be doing. i'm excited to start implementing adult programming in the fall, and to start preparing my communities for the new "real" libraries that will be built starting next year. it's exhilarating. it's awesome, and fun, and makes me proud. but- ahh, you say, where's the bitter with all that sweet?
i hate my boss. with a passion. she's not a bad person, in fact, she's quite nice- but she's absolutely horrible to work for. she never provides information i need, never provides the proper training, forgets to tell me crucial pieces of information i need to do my job properly, and every single time i ask to do something new or different or better or slightly outside my job description, she stonewalls me. simply shuts me down. and belittles me in the process. oh, she does it kindly- i really don't think that she means anything but well in her head- but when i get told things like "well, you just don't know- you're new" or "that's just not how we do things here, you'll understand more once you get your feet wet" or "it's not you your volunteers are working for, it's the district- you need to remember that you have no real authority there" i want to scream. i have been a working library employee for six years. i have received as much training as i was allowed to get. i know what i'm doing. i've done it before. this is making me nuts. i just want to do my job as well as i know how, and i'm not being allowed to. bitter, bitter, bitter. it makes me want to rinse out my mouth.
odd thing the second: my diet. i've been on the fence with the diet thing for a long time. i've been wanting to get healthy for a while- not skinny, just healthy. i have a lot of familial health risks that are directly tied to being overweight, and i'm determined not to have them. i want to still be able to walk up stairs when i'm fifty, and i don't want to get diabetes, so i finally decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. what a concept, eh? so i called a friend who has done it, and she helped me come up with a manageable diet plan that i think i might actually be able to follow- i've already made it a record four days. (yeah i know. i'm a pathetic human being with absolutely no will power. so what?) i'm not hungry. i have a lot of people who are helping me. i'm thrilled that this isn't that hard! so what's wrong this time?
my weightloss buddy just decided to move to california. on tuesday. like in five days tuesday. how am i going to do this without my weightloss buddy? i have support from my best friend, and my husband, and i think another friend wants to go on the plan with me, but i need her! yeah i know, i can email and talk on the phone, but it's not the same as knowing that she could drive to my house and slap the shit outta me if i decide that my diet choice that day is going to be eating a pint of icecream and lying around in my underpants watching the mentalist. (i'm not saying i've ever made this choice. i certainly didn't make it a couple of saturdays ago. you have no proof.) i'm just a little bitter. she's making the choice she needed to make, for personal reasons, so i can't begrudge her. i just am selfishly sad that she has to go now! man... it tasted so good.
there are more odd things going on- things that are so good, but have that lingering aftertaste of regret, or anger, or sadness.... i want to be satisfied. i should be satistfied.... but i'm not. i need something perfectly delicious to come along. here's to hoping! (maybe it's just because i'm new.... or not.)
Friday, May 25, 2012
los tiempos van cambiando
i'm going to admit it- i like bob dylan. not his singing, necessarily- in fact, not his singing at all (pitch, dude, pitch. if you sing through your nose... well, it's going to sound like you're singing through your nose. but i guess you've become an icon while doing so, so why am i criticizing?), but his songwriting skills. the dude truly is a poet. i've been listening pretty much constantly to "the times, they are a changing" the last couple of weeks, and it sums up what's been going on for me. everything is changing. it's very hard for me, but it's good change. it just means that most of my life plans have to be reconsidered. what am i talking about? well....
i got a new job. finally, after eleven interviews and infinite feelings of uselessness, i got a new job. in a new city, with a new district. it's what i wanted. i can't even begin to pretend that i didn't want this. i knew i needed to leave, and i finally am, but i keep experiencing doubt. this job is going to be hard and thankless, with a lot of driving and working by myself in rural parts of the state. that's not necessarily my problem with it, although the $50 a week gas bill in itself gives me pause. my new boss is already retiring, i'm only getting three days of training before i start, and i am the only librarian for twenty miles during summer reading, which hey! i missed the training. we'll see- i just don't like unknowns. on the plus side, i now have insurance and a 401k. it's almost like i'm a grownup. the thing is, this new job means that i will be moving again in ten months, which i hate. it means that i will soon leave my family and my friends to start a different adventure. it means i might go back to school and finally get that masters that i always dreamed about. it's a lot of life change to get with one phone call- and did i mention that i hate change?
i also, as part of the new job thing, am a proud owner of a new car. i needed one, as the old vehicle was falling apart. the new car thing was ridiculously scary for me. i have horrible credit, and couldn't get a car loan, so my father was helping me find financing. it didn't come through, and didn't come through, until he called me the day before i needed to purchase my vehicle to tell me that a wonderful friend of the family bought the car for me. i cried for an hour. there's nothing quite like unexpected generosity to floor you and shake you to the core. i know that i have a lot of friends who don't believe in a higher power, but it's things like this that make me do so.... i was praying in the shower at the same time as my father was finding out that my car would be bought for me. i kept asking, over and over, that everything would work out beyond my wildest dreams... and they did. coincidence? sure. but not to me. so, i have a new car, and a newfound faith in humanity at the least and god at the most, with all the excitement that it brings. i'm like a little kid with their first car- i keep wanting to buy it things, and wash it, and name it.... names are still being thought of. any suggestions would be nice.
si... los tiempos van cambiando. it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but really, truly, and honestly- it's wonderful. i'm excited.
i got a new job. finally, after eleven interviews and infinite feelings of uselessness, i got a new job. in a new city, with a new district. it's what i wanted. i can't even begin to pretend that i didn't want this. i knew i needed to leave, and i finally am, but i keep experiencing doubt. this job is going to be hard and thankless, with a lot of driving and working by myself in rural parts of the state. that's not necessarily my problem with it, although the $50 a week gas bill in itself gives me pause. my new boss is already retiring, i'm only getting three days of training before i start, and i am the only librarian for twenty miles during summer reading, which hey! i missed the training. we'll see- i just don't like unknowns. on the plus side, i now have insurance and a 401k. it's almost like i'm a grownup. the thing is, this new job means that i will be moving again in ten months, which i hate. it means that i will soon leave my family and my friends to start a different adventure. it means i might go back to school and finally get that masters that i always dreamed about. it's a lot of life change to get with one phone call- and did i mention that i hate change?
i also, as part of the new job thing, am a proud owner of a new car. i needed one, as the old vehicle was falling apart. the new car thing was ridiculously scary for me. i have horrible credit, and couldn't get a car loan, so my father was helping me find financing. it didn't come through, and didn't come through, until he called me the day before i needed to purchase my vehicle to tell me that a wonderful friend of the family bought the car for me. i cried for an hour. there's nothing quite like unexpected generosity to floor you and shake you to the core. i know that i have a lot of friends who don't believe in a higher power, but it's things like this that make me do so.... i was praying in the shower at the same time as my father was finding out that my car would be bought for me. i kept asking, over and over, that everything would work out beyond my wildest dreams... and they did. coincidence? sure. but not to me. so, i have a new car, and a newfound faith in humanity at the least and god at the most, with all the excitement that it brings. i'm like a little kid with their first car- i keep wanting to buy it things, and wash it, and name it.... names are still being thought of. any suggestions would be nice.
si... los tiempos van cambiando. it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but really, truly, and honestly- it's wonderful. i'm excited.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
i've been neglecting you....
ahh, my ducklings, i have been neglecting you. i am sorry. it's been a busy month. for a small recap, i moved into my wonderful, awesome, lovely, and huge new place. it is as advertised- well, except for the kitchen, which leaves a bit to be desired, (i would like to have a word with the people who design kitchens. seriously, guys, wtf? why would you design an entire kitchen with drawers that are too small to fit a silverware tray? i have to keep my cutlery on the counter. also, pantries are good. not having a pantry means that my friend's small children can throw my canned goods at each other. i'm pretty much not a fan of that. ) but on the whole the amount of space is awesome. i never want to leave. plus it has a pool and summer is coming. 'nough said.
i also went on a great big huge trip to go see my biological family. i go and see them about once a year for a week, which is all i can handle without going out of my mind with frustration. it's a unique situation, as i've been a part of my birth-family's life since i was ten. that means that i am a really-truly sister to my two half-brothers, even if they don't feel that way to me. it also means that my birthmom wants to be treated more like a legitimate parent, and i am not prepared or willing to treat her that way. it's hard. my loyalties lie firmly with my adoptive family. they've been mine since the day i was born, and i love them more than life itself. my bio family is mine simply through genetics. i am nothing like them, they understand me not at all (with the exception of my youngest brother. we get each other. i like to think that it's because i've been a presence in his life for so long, but it's not that as much as he really is a very good guy. ), and i can't take their selfish mindset. it's bad. and this time, i took my husbot with me! he had it rough, but this is the one and only time he has to go. we did some fun stuff, we ate some awesome food, and we didn't kill anybody. that's a successful trip.
the worst part of this last month was not getting yet another promotion. i shouldn't be mad about this, by the way. i didn't want the job. but it still stings like nothing i've ever felt simply because it was at the library where i've worked for the last five years. they didn't promote me because they felt that i wasn't professional enough. (also i had a bad interview. that's the part that eats at me the most, because i usually nail those.) then they hired a guy with the same amount of professional experience as me. i hate to say they hired him because he has a penis, but i really feel that's the case. he has flat-out asked me why they didn't hire me, as i'm more qualified than he is. sigh. going to work is hard right now. i just have to keep on telling myself that something will come along, i'm just starting to feel that the job will not be with my district, so i'm looking elsewhere. c'mon pueblo! build those new libraries already!
i'm just so happy summer is coming. it's my favorite time of the year. i can't wait to fish, and go to farmer's markets, and bluegrass festivals, and go camping. i can't wait to wear tank tops, and decorate the library for the summer reading program. i can't wait to not have to work in the university kitchen a couple days a week. two of my friends are having babies, and i can't wait to get started on their blankets. i did also finish a couple of shawls, so i need to get this pictures up. things will be good. they are good. i can feel it.
i also went on a great big huge trip to go see my biological family. i go and see them about once a year for a week, which is all i can handle without going out of my mind with frustration. it's a unique situation, as i've been a part of my birth-family's life since i was ten. that means that i am a really-truly sister to my two half-brothers, even if they don't feel that way to me. it also means that my birthmom wants to be treated more like a legitimate parent, and i am not prepared or willing to treat her that way. it's hard. my loyalties lie firmly with my adoptive family. they've been mine since the day i was born, and i love them more than life itself. my bio family is mine simply through genetics. i am nothing like them, they understand me not at all (with the exception of my youngest brother. we get each other. i like to think that it's because i've been a presence in his life for so long, but it's not that as much as he really is a very good guy. ), and i can't take their selfish mindset. it's bad. and this time, i took my husbot with me! he had it rough, but this is the one and only time he has to go. we did some fun stuff, we ate some awesome food, and we didn't kill anybody. that's a successful trip.
the worst part of this last month was not getting yet another promotion. i shouldn't be mad about this, by the way. i didn't want the job. but it still stings like nothing i've ever felt simply because it was at the library where i've worked for the last five years. they didn't promote me because they felt that i wasn't professional enough. (also i had a bad interview. that's the part that eats at me the most, because i usually nail those.) then they hired a guy with the same amount of professional experience as me. i hate to say they hired him because he has a penis, but i really feel that's the case. he has flat-out asked me why they didn't hire me, as i'm more qualified than he is. sigh. going to work is hard right now. i just have to keep on telling myself that something will come along, i'm just starting to feel that the job will not be with my district, so i'm looking elsewhere. c'mon pueblo! build those new libraries already!
i'm just so happy summer is coming. it's my favorite time of the year. i can't wait to fish, and go to farmer's markets, and bluegrass festivals, and go camping. i can't wait to wear tank tops, and decorate the library for the summer reading program. i can't wait to not have to work in the university kitchen a couple days a week. two of my friends are having babies, and i can't wait to get started on their blankets. i did also finish a couple of shawls, so i need to get this pictures up. things will be good. they are good. i can feel it.
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