ahhhh. finally. after too many months, i seem to be pulling myself out of the funk that i've been in. it's been since september, i think, that i really was completely happy and at ease, and i am truly thankful to return to even a shadow of my former happiness. i don't know whether it was the seasons changing (winter is always hard for me) or my relationship/ room mate issues chronicled in another post, but this winter was challenging. i'm hoping it's getting better. with the return of my positivity, i'm suddenly becoming professionally confident again.
today i did something that i never have done before. i applied for a job with a different district, in a different city. i have NO IDEA if i will even be considered for the job, but i meet all the criteria. it's not like it's far away- only a thirty minute drive from where i live now- but the fact that i'm even actively looking elsewhere is a huge step for me. quite the departure from the norm. of course i'm scared. but i keep telling myself that the worst thing that could happen is that they will tell me no. and how badly off would that leave me? exactly where i am right now. and really, that's not bad at all.
i keep wondering why this is something that is hard for me. after all, i just put in an application- it's not like i'm a shoe-in, or that they even know me. i don't have an interview. it was just the application. nothing more. i guess it's more symbolic for me- a sign that i don't have to be tied to the same city i grew up in, that i'm completely willing to branch out. (i'm trying to forget that most of my in-laws live there, and that i spent quite a lot of time there when my husband and i were dating. it's a new city, dang it.) and i want this. i want to do more. i'm professionally ready to do more. and with nine rejections in my district, i think that perhaps a change is in order. and i'm ready.
and i'm totally putting the cart before the horse. i know this. i can't let myself get too excited about anything, because at least for me, that makes the rejection so much worse. but.... but..... i'm excited. because i made that first step, and that's one of the best feelings i've had in a very long time.
in other news- i am knitting for me and loving it. i finished the first of a set of colorwork mittens (my first time doing colorwork, which knocks one of those new year's resolutions right off the list. one down, like nineteen million more to go) and it looks lovely. i'm really happy with how they seem to be turning out! i've also finished one of a pair of boot socks for me (are yall starting to sense a theme here?) and i love them as well. the yarn for the socks was a goodbye present from my library friend who retired (the one with all the yarn... remember her?) and it's a little sad to knit it, but the socks will be lovely. next up- stash enrichment. i used all my yarn at christmas. and with the income tax coming in...... ahhh, dreams. it'll be good.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
finally! christmas knitting pictures!
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| one tiny little dolly skirt. the pattern- mine from my head, with a little guidance from ravelry. |
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| a little dolly jacket |
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| the dolly jacket with the girl-sized partner (for my littlest sister. would you not die to get these?) |
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| almost all the socks i made- there are two pairs missing as i gave them away early |
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| the finished and complete dolly outfit! |
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| mom's socks- basic sock recipe a la stephanie pearl-mcphee |
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| courtney's socks, same pattern |
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| anna's socks- topographical socks from ravelry, and her baby's socks too! oh so cute. |
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| dolly jacket from out of my head |
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| and the same with the hat! |
Thursday, January 5, 2012
down time
so, i know i promised yall knitting pics of all the holiday goodness. sorry about that... i seem to only get to post from work. seriously, i'm not a slacker, but we seem to have... well, an excessive amount of downtime lately. generally, i don't mind being lazy, and generally i like my job, but lately it's been hard to get up and come in to the library. we've remodeled, and reconfigured, and had efficiency experts in, so we've streamlined the job process. too much. but hey, i have been able to get to level sixteen in online bejeweled, and i am VERY up to date on my facebook. spam emails do not accumulate. all this is a long way of saying that although i get to post regularly, i haven't quite stooped to bringing my camera to work. yet.
why can't i give you knitting pictures from home, you ask? well, the husbot and friend we have staying with us have taken over the computers for a indefinite LAN party, and i can't even get over the mountain dew bottles and cheeto bags to get to the computer, let alone wrest it away from the husbot for a minute or two. i guess the moral of that story is never marry a gamer, but it's too late for me. i can only give advice.
however, i have started new projects! i bought new yarn! oh oh oh i am so excited. my first stranded colorwork pattern is on the needles, and i have only had to frog it once so far. i am making mittens, because my hands were cold right before christmas. now it's 50 plus degrees out every day, but i am doggedly working away on those mittens- after all, this is colorado, and it will snow in april. which is when the mittens will be done. hopefully. i also bought a lot of sock yarn, but i am waiting for the mail man. actually, i am waiting for my friend's mail man, as i bought yarn on her account. i have no credit or debit card (this is a good thing) so i figured if she was going to buy a million dollar's worth of yarn she could tack a few skeins on there for me. and now she's in louisiana on family business and i am antsy in my pantsy. why? because i get to knit for ME! so excited!
so anyways, i thought i'd give an update in my downtime. cause what else am i going to do? pretty soon, i'll be gambling away the family fortune (don't make me laugh) in online poker. help me.....
why can't i give you knitting pictures from home, you ask? well, the husbot and friend we have staying with us have taken over the computers for a indefinite LAN party, and i can't even get over the mountain dew bottles and cheeto bags to get to the computer, let alone wrest it away from the husbot for a minute or two. i guess the moral of that story is never marry a gamer, but it's too late for me. i can only give advice.
however, i have started new projects! i bought new yarn! oh oh oh i am so excited. my first stranded colorwork pattern is on the needles, and i have only had to frog it once so far. i am making mittens, because my hands were cold right before christmas. now it's 50 plus degrees out every day, but i am doggedly working away on those mittens- after all, this is colorado, and it will snow in april. which is when the mittens will be done. hopefully. i also bought a lot of sock yarn, but i am waiting for the mail man. actually, i am waiting for my friend's mail man, as i bought yarn on her account. i have no credit or debit card (this is a good thing) so i figured if she was going to buy a million dollar's worth of yarn she could tack a few skeins on there for me. and now she's in louisiana on family business and i am antsy in my pantsy. why? because i get to knit for ME! so excited!
so anyways, i thought i'd give an update in my downtime. cause what else am i going to do? pretty soon, i'll be gambling away the family fortune (don't make me laugh) in online poker. help me.....
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011: thank you (not)
a lot of folks i know are talking about 2011, how the year was, what events occurred, what happened- so i am motivated to do the same. word of warning- this post will contain a small amount of strong language. fyi.
ah, 2011. there's a saying: "don't let the door hit you on the way out". that's how i feel about you, year. you have sucked so hard, and so much, and with such stunning diversity i just don't even know if i could take another year like you. you have tested me physically, emotionally, professionally, and financially, and while i hope that i made it through a stronger person, i would really not like to do that again. here's just a small list of the things i need to thank you for, in the manner of jimmy fallon. (you should read his "thank you" book, by the way. cracks me the hell up.)
2011, thanks for giving me the roommate from hell. thanks. i loved being greeting with "fuck you" every time he saw me. that does wonders for one's self-esteem, let me tell you. i loved being made to feel like a maid in my own home. i especially loved how he owes me over $2000, yet i will never see it. i'm so glad that you put a person in my life who is rascist, mysogynistic, and publicly rude to my family. i'm also going to add that he never did dishes, or took the trash out, and that he killed my cat. (all true.) was this supposed to build character?
2011, thanks for showing me that, at least one time, my husband will choose a friend he barely knew over his own wife. while roommate from hell was verbally abusive, my husband stood by and did nothing. when he did not pay the rent, my husband refused to kick him out. he bought him food, and alcohol, and cleaned up his messes. when i complained, begged, pleaded to my husband for roommate removal, i was simply told that i was a bitch. thanks, both 2011 and my husband, for making me feel worthless to you for 7 months. truly though, i know now what i will put up with, and husband- you were a week away from losing me. i know now that if that happens again, i am willing to walk away from my marriage. (and glad that i didn't. but it was hard.)
2011, thanks for showing me that i will never ever ever get a promotion in my chosen field. go ahead and kick me while i'm down, ok? i appreciate that. (3 interviews this year. nothing. also one interview for a completely different job. nothing there, too.)
2011, thanks for showing me that i am still just as shitty with money as i was five years ago. i seriously would like to be able to pay my bills without incident just once in my life. perhaps my husband and i could be happier if i wasn't constantly bouncing checks. just a thought.
2011, thanks for crapping on the one amazingly, astoundingly lovely thing my parents have ever done for me. they wanted to help us buy a house, and they tried so hard, but no matter what we tried, it couldn't happen. i think it hurt them even more than it hurt me. it broke my heart when i found out that the house wasn't going to happen- not just because i wasn't getting one, but because it was a leap of love and faith on my parent's part that i had never seen before. we got so close during the process, and anyone could tell that when it didn't happen my parents felt awful. somehow, that hurt the most.
2011- thanks for all of it. this is just the major stuff. i can't believe how bad this year was, for me, my friends, and my family. 2012 better be a heck of a lot better, because there's nowhere to go but up. (until the world ends in a zombie apocalypse.) next time: happy knitting pictures. i promise.
ah, 2011. there's a saying: "don't let the door hit you on the way out". that's how i feel about you, year. you have sucked so hard, and so much, and with such stunning diversity i just don't even know if i could take another year like you. you have tested me physically, emotionally, professionally, and financially, and while i hope that i made it through a stronger person, i would really not like to do that again. here's just a small list of the things i need to thank you for, in the manner of jimmy fallon. (you should read his "thank you" book, by the way. cracks me the hell up.)
2011, thanks for giving me the roommate from hell. thanks. i loved being greeting with "fuck you" every time he saw me. that does wonders for one's self-esteem, let me tell you. i loved being made to feel like a maid in my own home. i especially loved how he owes me over $2000, yet i will never see it. i'm so glad that you put a person in my life who is rascist, mysogynistic, and publicly rude to my family. i'm also going to add that he never did dishes, or took the trash out, and that he killed my cat. (all true.) was this supposed to build character?
2011, thanks for showing me that, at least one time, my husband will choose a friend he barely knew over his own wife. while roommate from hell was verbally abusive, my husband stood by and did nothing. when he did not pay the rent, my husband refused to kick him out. he bought him food, and alcohol, and cleaned up his messes. when i complained, begged, pleaded to my husband for roommate removal, i was simply told that i was a bitch. thanks, both 2011 and my husband, for making me feel worthless to you for 7 months. truly though, i know now what i will put up with, and husband- you were a week away from losing me. i know now that if that happens again, i am willing to walk away from my marriage. (and glad that i didn't. but it was hard.)
2011, thanks for showing me that i will never ever ever get a promotion in my chosen field. go ahead and kick me while i'm down, ok? i appreciate that. (3 interviews this year. nothing. also one interview for a completely different job. nothing there, too.)
2011, thanks for showing me that i am still just as shitty with money as i was five years ago. i seriously would like to be able to pay my bills without incident just once in my life. perhaps my husband and i could be happier if i wasn't constantly bouncing checks. just a thought.
2011, thanks for crapping on the one amazingly, astoundingly lovely thing my parents have ever done for me. they wanted to help us buy a house, and they tried so hard, but no matter what we tried, it couldn't happen. i think it hurt them even more than it hurt me. it broke my heart when i found out that the house wasn't going to happen- not just because i wasn't getting one, but because it was a leap of love and faith on my parent's part that i had never seen before. we got so close during the process, and anyone could tell that when it didn't happen my parents felt awful. somehow, that hurt the most.
2011- thanks for all of it. this is just the major stuff. i can't believe how bad this year was, for me, my friends, and my family. 2012 better be a heck of a lot better, because there's nowhere to go but up. (until the world ends in a zombie apocalypse.) next time: happy knitting pictures. i promise.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
i've created a monster
help! i've gone and done it. i should have known that this would happen, but i didn't really forsee the consequences. there's no helping it. i might as well fess up.
i taught my coworker how to knit. that's not really a problem. she had learned in home-ec class when she was younger (an undisclosed time ago, although i may mention that this particular coworker is old enough to be my mother.) so it was just a matter of reaquaniting her with the motions. not bad, right? she loves fiber- good fiber, like merino, alpaca, mohair... we have a lot in common. she found a pattern that she loved, yarn she loved, and was off to the races. she's made two cowls now, and seems to be doing quite well. i was very excited until today, when i found out the wicked truth.
she's put over three hundred dollars in yarn on her credit card... in the last three days. now, i like stash enhancement with the best of them, but this seems, well, excessive. she's just started this knitting adventure, and if past experience proves true, she's fickle. i don't want to be blamed for her credit card bill, and i've been nothing but enabling to her- i gave her the knit picks website, along with jimmy beans wool. she's even got a ravelry account now, which is the ultimate enabling tool. i just have this awful vision of her husband chasing me down a road somewhere with a nineteen page bill clutched in his fists, screaming at me about how retirement is now impossible and have i've ruined their golden years.
i've never had a knitting success rate quite like this. hopefully the knitting will take hold this time, as she's looking at other patterns and discussing how she thinks that socks "really don't look that hard", but i know this woman, and i shouldn't be too optimistic. it's ok though. when this jag is over, i'll be sitting there, willing to take some handpainted alpaca off her hands. i'll even pay for half the skein- because that's what good friends do.
christmas knitting update: nearly everything done!!!! all that's left is a pair of socks for the mother-in-law, but i got her something else good, so if they aren't done, it's gonna be ok. although, there's supposed to be some snow coming in tomorrow, so who knows. i may get all the knitting done yet. i'm so proud!
i taught my coworker how to knit. that's not really a problem. she had learned in home-ec class when she was younger (an undisclosed time ago, although i may mention that this particular coworker is old enough to be my mother.) so it was just a matter of reaquaniting her with the motions. not bad, right? she loves fiber- good fiber, like merino, alpaca, mohair... we have a lot in common. she found a pattern that she loved, yarn she loved, and was off to the races. she's made two cowls now, and seems to be doing quite well. i was very excited until today, when i found out the wicked truth.
she's put over three hundred dollars in yarn on her credit card... in the last three days. now, i like stash enhancement with the best of them, but this seems, well, excessive. she's just started this knitting adventure, and if past experience proves true, she's fickle. i don't want to be blamed for her credit card bill, and i've been nothing but enabling to her- i gave her the knit picks website, along with jimmy beans wool. she's even got a ravelry account now, which is the ultimate enabling tool. i just have this awful vision of her husband chasing me down a road somewhere with a nineteen page bill clutched in his fists, screaming at me about how retirement is now impossible and have i've ruined their golden years.
i've never had a knitting success rate quite like this. hopefully the knitting will take hold this time, as she's looking at other patterns and discussing how she thinks that socks "really don't look that hard", but i know this woman, and i shouldn't be too optimistic. it's ok though. when this jag is over, i'll be sitting there, willing to take some handpainted alpaca off her hands. i'll even pay for half the skein- because that's what good friends do.
christmas knitting update: nearly everything done!!!! all that's left is a pair of socks for the mother-in-law, but i got her something else good, so if they aren't done, it's gonna be ok. although, there's supposed to be some snow coming in tomorrow, so who knows. i may get all the knitting done yet. i'm so proud!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
that's good! no, that's bad....
this is a knitting story.
i finished five pairs of socks for the christmas knitting! that's good! no, wait.... that's bad, because i have at least one more pair to go.
i only have one more pair of socks to make for the christmas knitting! that's good! no, wait... that's bad, because i still need to make dolly clothes.
i finished nearly one set of dolly clothes for the christmas knitting! that's good! no wait, that's bad, because i have a girl/doll sweater set that i haven't even started yet.
i am nearly done with the christmas knitting! that's REALLY good! no, that's really bad, sadly- as there are only TEN MORE DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!
can i freak out now?
the end.
i finished five pairs of socks for the christmas knitting! that's good! no, wait.... that's bad, because i have at least one more pair to go.
i only have one more pair of socks to make for the christmas knitting! that's good! no, wait... that's bad, because i still need to make dolly clothes.
i finished nearly one set of dolly clothes for the christmas knitting! that's good! no wait, that's bad, because i have a girl/doll sweater set that i haven't even started yet.
i am nearly done with the christmas knitting! that's REALLY good! no, that's really bad, sadly- as there are only TEN MORE DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!
can i freak out now?
the end.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
ahh... the damn holidays
sorry i have posted in a bit... life came up. it has a tendency to do that, and when that happens all i want to do is sit on my couch, wrap myself in afgans, watch british mysteries on tv, and knit stuff that isn't for other people. i didn't get to do that, sadly- i got to figure out how to make ramen and hot dogs a meal, while knitting american girl doll clothes for my smallest sister, and arguing via email with my old leasing agency for the remainder of my security depost. also i started world of warcraft back up. (which, if we're being honest, might be the actual reason i haven't posted. i must defend azeroth!)
it seems funny (in a "funny like i'm going to curl in a fetal position and cry in the corner" sort of way) that all my life crises manage to happen right about christmas time. why? why do i suddenly and very severely run completely out of money right before i need to go buy presents? why does the expected money never show up when you want it too? why did my mom ask me to go to midnight black friday shopping with her? (i am gonna regret that decision til the day i die.) i can't really put a finger on it, but these holiday problems don't just happen to me. i can count three or four friends who are going through a similar thing, and it's not because we're doing anything differently. it's, as my good pal put it, just the damn holidays. the time of year where your car breaks down, your computer quits working, your cat gets sick, and then YOU get sick... right in time to have to go be merry and make christmas cookies with your four younger siblings. (insert least favorite holiday activity here)
what's interesting is, i like christmas. i just dislike all the hype and expectation that goes along with it, which colors how i see all the winter crap that seems to coinside with the holiday. i hate to be a whiner, but dang it- making everything peppermint smelling doesn't mean that it still doesn't suck. until today, three people weren't getting christmas presents, because i rated having a place to live more important. (today my security deposit FINALLY came in the mail. thank you, baby jesus. now i can get presents AND groceries.) maybe i just feel more guilty about being cheap and poor this time of year. i dunno, but i am cranky.
ah well. today's plan: finish my day at work (three hours to go), maybe eat dinner with husband at a real restaurant, go to walmart, nurse cold that i am getting, knit very small sweater, find christmas spirit. hopefully not in that order, as walmart might knock all the cold fighting and christmas spirit right on out of me.
knitted present update: 1 cowl, 4 pairs socks finished. 1 pair socks nearly finished. 1 pair socks just started. dolly clothes- just a plan and a bad attitude.
it seems funny (in a "funny like i'm going to curl in a fetal position and cry in the corner" sort of way) that all my life crises manage to happen right about christmas time. why? why do i suddenly and very severely run completely out of money right before i need to go buy presents? why does the expected money never show up when you want it too? why did my mom ask me to go to midnight black friday shopping with her? (i am gonna regret that decision til the day i die.) i can't really put a finger on it, but these holiday problems don't just happen to me. i can count three or four friends who are going through a similar thing, and it's not because we're doing anything differently. it's, as my good pal put it, just the damn holidays. the time of year where your car breaks down, your computer quits working, your cat gets sick, and then YOU get sick... right in time to have to go be merry and make christmas cookies with your four younger siblings. (insert least favorite holiday activity here)
what's interesting is, i like christmas. i just dislike all the hype and expectation that goes along with it, which colors how i see all the winter crap that seems to coinside with the holiday. i hate to be a whiner, but dang it- making everything peppermint smelling doesn't mean that it still doesn't suck. until today, three people weren't getting christmas presents, because i rated having a place to live more important. (today my security deposit FINALLY came in the mail. thank you, baby jesus. now i can get presents AND groceries.) maybe i just feel more guilty about being cheap and poor this time of year. i dunno, but i am cranky.
ah well. today's plan: finish my day at work (three hours to go), maybe eat dinner with husband at a real restaurant, go to walmart, nurse cold that i am getting, knit very small sweater, find christmas spirit. hopefully not in that order, as walmart might knock all the cold fighting and christmas spirit right on out of me.
knitted present update: 1 cowl, 4 pairs socks finished. 1 pair socks nearly finished. 1 pair socks just started. dolly clothes- just a plan and a bad attitude.
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