los tiempos van cambiando

i'm going to admit it- i like bob dylan.  not his singing, necessarily- in fact, not his singing at all (pitch, dude, pitch.  if you sing through your nose... well, it's going to sound like you're singing through your nose.  but i guess you've become an icon while doing so, so why am i criticizing?), but his songwriting skills.  the dude truly is a poet.  i've been listening pretty much constantly to "the times, they are a changing" the last couple of weeks, and it sums up what's been going on for me.  everything is changing.  it's very hard for me, but it's good change.  it just means that most of my life plans have to be reconsidered.  what am i talking about?  well....

i got a new job.  finally, after eleven interviews and infinite feelings of uselessness, i got a new job.  in a new city, with a new district.  it's what i wanted.  i can't even begin to pretend that i didn't want this.  i knew i needed to leave, and i finally am, but i keep experiencing doubt.  this job is going to be hard and thankless, with a lot of driving and working by myself in rural parts of the state.  that's not necessarily my problem with it, although the $50 a week gas bill in itself gives me pause.  my new boss is already retiring, i'm only getting three days of training before i start, and i am the only librarian for twenty miles during summer reading, which hey!  i missed the training.  we'll see- i just don't like unknowns.  on the plus side, i now have insurance and a 401k.  it's almost like i'm a grownup.  the thing is, this new job means that i will be moving again in ten months, which i hate.  it means that i will soon leave my family and my friends to start a different adventure.  it means i might go back to school and finally get that masters that i always dreamed about.  it's a lot of life change to get with one phone call- and did i mention that i hate change?

i also, as part of the new job thing, am a proud owner of a new car.  i needed one, as the old vehicle was falling apart.  the new car thing was ridiculously scary for me.  i have horrible credit, and couldn't get a car loan, so my father was helping me find financing.  it didn't come through, and didn't come through, until he called me the day before i needed to purchase my vehicle to tell me that a wonderful friend of the family bought the car for me.  i cried for an hour.  there's nothing quite like unexpected generosity to floor you and shake you to the core.  i know that i have a lot of friends who don't believe in a higher power, but it's things like this that make me do so.... i was praying in the shower at the same time as my father was finding out that my car would be bought for me.  i kept asking, over and over, that everything would work out beyond my wildest dreams... and they did.  coincidence?   sure.  but not to me.  so, i have a new car, and a newfound faith in humanity at the least and god at the most, with all the excitement that it brings.  i'm like a little kid with their first car- i keep wanting to buy it things, and wash it, and name it.... names are still being thought of.  any suggestions would be nice.

si... los tiempos van cambiando.  it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but really, truly, and honestly- it's wonderful.  i'm excited. 

i've been neglecting you....

ahh, my ducklings, i have been neglecting you.  i am sorry.  it's been a busy month.  for a small recap, i moved into my wonderful, awesome, lovely, and huge new place.  it is as advertised- well, except for the kitchen, which leaves a bit to be desired, (i would like to have a word with the people who design kitchens.  seriously, guys, wtf?  why would you design an entire kitchen with drawers that are too small to fit a silverware tray?  i have to keep my cutlery on the counter.  also, pantries are good.  not having a pantry means that my friend's small children can throw my canned goods at each other.  i'm pretty much not a fan of that. ) but on the whole the amount of space is awesome.  i never want to leave.  plus it has a pool and summer is coming.  'nough said. 

i also went on a great big huge trip to go see my biological family.  i go and see them about once a year for a week, which is all i can handle without going out of my mind with frustration.  it's a unique situation, as i've been a part of my birth-family's life since i was ten.  that means that i am a really-truly sister to my two half-brothers, even if they don't feel that way to me.  it also means that my birthmom wants to be treated more like a legitimate parent, and i am not prepared or willing to treat her that way.  it's hard.  my loyalties lie firmly with my adoptive family.  they've been mine since the day i was born, and i love them more than life itself.  my bio family is mine simply through genetics.  i am nothing like them, they understand me not at all (with the exception of my youngest brother.  we get each other.  i like to think that it's because i've been a presence in his life for so long, but it's not that as much as he really is a very good guy. ), and i can't take their selfish mindset.  it's bad.  and this time, i took my husbot with me!  he had it rough, but this is the one and only time he has to go.  we did some fun stuff, we ate some awesome food, and we didn't kill anybody.  that's a successful trip.

the worst part of this last month was not getting yet another promotion.  i shouldn't be mad about this, by the way.  i didn't want the job.  but it still stings like nothing i've ever felt simply because it was at the library where i've worked for the last five years.  they didn't promote me because they felt that i wasn't professional enough.  (also i had a bad interview.  that's the part that eats at me the most, because i usually nail those.)  then they hired a guy with the same amount of professional experience as me.  i hate to say they hired him because he has a penis, but i really feel that's the case.  he has flat-out asked me why they didn't hire me, as i'm more qualified than he is.  sigh.  going to work is hard right now.  i just have to keep on telling myself that something will come along,  i'm just starting to feel that the job will not be with my district, so i'm looking elsewhere.  c'mon pueblo!  build those new libraries already! 

i'm just so happy summer is coming.  it's my favorite time of the year.  i can't wait to fish, and go to farmer's markets, and bluegrass festivals, and go camping.  i can't wait to wear tank tops, and decorate the library for the summer reading program.  i can't wait to not have to work in the university kitchen a couple days a week.  two of my friends are having babies, and i can't wait to get started on their blankets.  i did also finish a couple of shawls, so i need to get this pictures up.  things will be good.  they are good.  i can feel it.