i'm going to admit it- i like bob dylan. not his singing, necessarily- in fact, not his singing at all (pitch, dude, pitch. if you sing through your nose... well, it's going to sound like you're singing through your nose. but i guess you've become an icon while doing so, so why am i criticizing?), but his songwriting skills. the dude truly is a poet. i've been listening pretty much constantly to "the times, they are a changing" the last couple of weeks, and it sums up what's been going on for me. everything is changing. it's very hard for me, but it's good change. it just means that most of my life plans have to be reconsidered. what am i talking about? well....
i got a new job. finally, after eleven interviews and infinite feelings of uselessness, i got a new job. in a new city, with a new district. it's what i wanted. i can't even begin to pretend that i didn't want this. i knew i needed to leave, and i finally am, but i keep experiencing doubt. this job is going to be hard and thankless, with a lot of driving and working by myself in rural parts of the state. that's not necessarily my problem with it, although the $50 a week gas bill in itself gives me pause. my new boss is already retiring, i'm only getting three days of training before i start, and i am the only librarian for twenty miles during summer reading, which hey! i missed the training. we'll see- i just don't like unknowns. on the plus side, i now have insurance and a 401k. it's almost like i'm a grownup. the thing is, this new job means that i will be moving again in ten months, which i hate. it means that i will soon leave my family and my friends to start a different adventure. it means i might go back to school and finally get that masters that i always dreamed about. it's a lot of life change to get with one phone call- and did i mention that i hate change?
i also, as part of the new job thing, am a proud owner of a new car. i needed one, as the old vehicle was falling apart. the new car thing was ridiculously scary for me. i have horrible credit, and couldn't get a car loan, so my father was helping me find financing. it didn't come through, and didn't come through, until he called me the day before i needed to purchase my vehicle to tell me that a wonderful friend of the family bought the car for me. i cried for an hour. there's nothing quite like unexpected generosity to floor you and shake you to the core. i know that i have a lot of friends who don't believe in a higher power, but it's things like this that make me do so.... i was praying in the shower at the same time as my father was finding out that my car would be bought for me. i kept asking, over and over, that everything would work out beyond my wildest dreams... and they did. coincidence? sure. but not to me. so, i have a new car, and a newfound faith in humanity at the least and god at the most, with all the excitement that it brings. i'm like a little kid with their first car- i keep wanting to buy it things, and wash it, and name it.... names are still being thought of. any suggestions would be nice.
si... los tiempos van cambiando. it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but really, truly, and honestly- it's wonderful. i'm excited.
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