2011: thank you (not)

a lot of folks i know are talking about 2011, how the year was, what events occurred, what happened- so i am motivated to do the same.  word of warning- this post will contain a small amount of strong language.  fyi.

ah, 2011.  there's a saying: "don't let the door hit you on the way out". that's how i feel about you, year.  you have sucked so hard, and so much, and with such stunning diversity i just don't even know if i could take another year like you.  you have tested me physically, emotionally, professionally, and financially, and while i hope that i made it through a stronger person, i would really not like to do that again.  here's just a small list of the things i need to thank you for, in the manner of jimmy fallon.  (you should read his "thank you" book, by the way.  cracks me the hell up.)

2011, thanks for giving me the roommate from hell.  thanks.  i loved being greeting with "fuck you" every time he saw me.  that does wonders for one's self-esteem, let me tell you. i loved being made to feel like a maid in my own home.  i especially loved how he owes me over $2000, yet i will never see it.  i'm so glad that you put a person in my life who is rascist, mysogynistic, and publicly rude to my family.  i'm also going to add that he never did dishes, or took the trash out, and that he killed my cat.  (all true.)  was this supposed to build character?

2011, thanks for showing me that, at least one time, my husband will choose a friend he barely knew over his own wife.  while roommate from hell was verbally abusive, my husband stood by and did nothing.  when he did not pay the rent, my husband refused to kick him out.  he bought him food, and alcohol, and cleaned up his messes.  when i complained, begged, pleaded to my husband for roommate removal, i was simply told that i was a bitch.  thanks, both 2011 and my husband, for making me feel worthless to you for 7 months.  truly though, i know now what i will put up with, and husband- you were a week away from losing me.  i know now that if that happens again, i am willing to walk away from my marriage.  (and glad that i didn't.  but it was hard.) 

2011, thanks for showing me that i will never ever ever get a promotion in my chosen field.  go ahead and kick me while i'm down, ok?  i appreciate that.  (3 interviews this year.  nothing.  also one interview for a completely different job.  nothing there, too.)

2011, thanks for showing me that i am still just as shitty with money as i was five years ago.  i seriously would like to be able to pay my bills without incident just once in my life.  perhaps my husband and i could be happier if i wasn't constantly bouncing checks.  just a thought. 

2011, thanks for crapping on the one amazingly, astoundingly lovely thing my parents have ever done for me.  they wanted to help us buy a house, and they tried so hard, but no matter what we tried, it couldn't happen.  i think it hurt them even more than it hurt me.  it broke my heart when i found out that the house wasn't going to happen- not just because i wasn't getting one, but because it was a leap of love and faith on my parent's part that i had never seen before.  we got so close during the process, and anyone could tell that when it didn't happen my parents felt awful.  somehow, that hurt the most. 

2011- thanks for all of it.  this is just the major stuff.  i can't believe how bad this year was, for me, my friends, and my family.  2012 better be a heck of a lot better, because there's nowhere to go but up.  (until the world ends in a zombie apocalypse.)  next time:  happy knitting pictures.  i promise. 

i've created a monster

help!  i've gone and done it.  i should have known that this would happen, but i didn't really forsee the consequences.  there's no helping it.  i might as well fess up.

i taught my coworker how to knit.  that's not really a problem.  she had learned in home-ec class when she was younger (an undisclosed time ago, although i may mention that this particular coworker is old enough to be my mother.) so it was just a matter of reaquaniting her with the motions.  not bad, right?  she loves fiber- good fiber, like merino, alpaca, mohair... we have a lot in common.  she found a pattern that she loved, yarn she loved, and was off to the races. she's made two cowls now, and seems to be doing quite well.  i was very excited until today, when i found out the wicked truth.

she's put over three hundred dollars  in yarn on her credit card... in the last three days.  now, i like stash enhancement with the best of them, but this seems, well, excessive.  she's just started this knitting adventure, and if past experience proves true, she's fickle.  i don't want to be blamed for her credit card bill, and i've been nothing but enabling to her- i gave her the knit picks website, along with jimmy beans wool.  she's even got a ravelry account now, which is the ultimate enabling tool.  i just have this awful vision of her husband chasing me down a road somewhere with a nineteen page bill clutched in his fists, screaming at me about how retirement is now impossible and have i've ruined their golden years. 

i've never had a knitting success rate quite like this.  hopefully the knitting will take hold this time, as she's looking at other patterns and discussing how she thinks that socks "really don't look that hard", but i know this woman, and i shouldn't be too optimistic.  it's ok though.  when this jag is over, i'll be sitting there, willing to take some handpainted alpaca off her hands.  i'll even pay for half the skein- because that's what good friends do. 

christmas knitting update:  nearly everything done!!!!  all that's left is a pair of socks for the mother-in-law, but i got her something else good, so if they aren't done, it's gonna be ok.  although, there's supposed to be some snow coming in tomorrow, so who knows.  i may get all the knitting done yet.  i'm so proud!

that's good! no, that's bad....

this is a knitting story. 

i finished five pairs of socks for the christmas knitting! that's good!  no, wait.... that's bad, because i have at least one more pair to go.

i only have one more pair of socks to make for the christmas knitting!  that's good!  no, wait... that's bad, because i still need to make dolly clothes. 

i finished nearly one set of dolly clothes for the christmas knitting!  that's good!  no wait, that's bad, because i have a girl/doll sweater set that i haven't even started yet. 

i am nearly done with the christmas knitting!  that's REALLY good!  no, that's really bad, sadly- as there are only TEN MORE DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

can i freak out now?

the end.

ahh... the damn holidays

sorry i have posted in a bit... life came up.  it has a tendency to do that, and when that happens all i want to do is sit on my couch, wrap myself in afgans, watch british mysteries on tv, and knit stuff that isn't for other people.  i didn't get to do that, sadly- i got to figure out how to make ramen and hot dogs a meal, while knitting american girl doll clothes for my smallest sister, and arguing via email with my old leasing agency for the remainder of my security depost.  also i started world of warcraft back up.  (which, if we're being honest, might be the actual reason i haven't posted.  i must defend azeroth!)

it seems funny (in a "funny like i'm going to curl in a fetal position and cry in the corner" sort of way) that all my life crises manage to happen right about christmas time.  why?  why do i suddenly and very severely run completely out of money right before i need to go buy presents?  why does the expected money never show up when you want it too?  why did my mom ask me to go to midnight black friday shopping with her?  (i am gonna regret that decision til the day i die.) i can't really put a finger on it, but these holiday problems don't just happen to me.  i can count three or four friends who are going through a similar thing, and it's not because we're doing anything differently.   it's, as my good pal put it, just the damn holidays.  the time of year where your car breaks down, your computer quits working, your cat gets sick, and then YOU get sick... right in time to have to go be merry and make christmas cookies with your four younger siblings.  (insert least favorite holiday activity here) 

what's interesting is, i like christmas.  i just dislike all the hype and expectation that goes along with it, which colors how i see all the winter crap that seems to coinside with the holiday.  i hate to be a whiner, but dang it- making everything peppermint smelling doesn't mean that it still doesn't suck.  until today, three people weren't getting christmas presents, because i rated having a place to live more important.  (today my security deposit FINALLY came in the mail.  thank you, baby jesus.  now i can get presents AND groceries.)  maybe i just feel more guilty about being cheap and poor this time of year.  i dunno, but i am cranky. 

ah well.  today's plan: finish my day at work (three hours to go), maybe eat dinner with husband at a real restaurant, go to walmart, nurse cold that i am getting, knit very small sweater, find christmas spirit.  hopefully not in that order, as walmart might knock all the cold fighting and christmas spirit right on out of me. 

knitted present update: 1 cowl, 4 pairs socks finished.  1 pair socks nearly finished.  1 pair socks just started.  dolly clothes- just a plan and a bad attitude. 

thankful

a lot of my facebook friends are collectively participating in an idea- an idea that you post something that you are thankful for once a day from the beginning of november until thanksgiving day.  i think that's a great idea, but i have never been able to stick with something like that without it seeming like a chore- which then negates the whole "thankful" thing.  plus, it's a really trendy facebook game, and that makes me balk at the idea no matter how cool it is.  that is not to say that i don't have 24 things for which to be thankful.  i do- i have way more than that.  and as thanksgiving is coming, and also as i want to let the world know how grateful i am for life, my life, my family, and my friends, i will lump a bunch of things together here in a public declaration of my awe and gratitude. 

firstly, i am thankful every single day for a choice a lady made 29 years ago.  to my birthmother- thank you for choosing to give me life.  thank you as well for choosing to give me to a family that would help me grow into the adult i am today.  thank you- because through your choice i have not just loving parents, but twelve brothers and sisters to challenge me, worry me, and love me unconditionally.  i've had opportunities that i would have never had.  thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

secondly, thanks mom and dad.  thank you for loving me even though i am a child that people might call "challenging".  thank you for showing me the proper way to love your spouse.  thank you for leading me by example throughout my childhood.  thank you for never letting me know that we were poor.  thank you for encouraging all my hobbies, ideas, and interests.  thank you for letting me see that there is a huge world out there- and that i can impact that world. 

to my husband- thank you for being my husband.  i know it can't be easy.  i'm glad that the last few years have had you in them.  i can't imagine loving anybody else- even if i'm yelling at you to put the dang toilet seat down.  you bring out the best in me-after all, the living room is still clean and we have money in the bank.  that's better than without you.  i love you. 

to my siblings- thanks for being my babies.  i love all of you, even though i smack you around, tease you, and call you all idiots.  you are.  but you'll grow out of it eventually.  i'm so very excited to see what all of you will become- the adults you'll be.  thanks for giving me that opportunity.

there's so much more i could say- so much more to be thankful for. i can't even begin to touch the surface. THANK YOU to everybody who makes my life so rich. i love all of you.

things i would rather be doing

today is just one of those days...

i would rather be sitting at home, watching british mysteries.  instead, i'm working.  i would rather be snuggled up on the couch with my afgans and my kitty.  instead, i'm working.  i would rather be making potato cheese soup.  instead, i'm working.  i would rather be playing video games, or knitting all those christmas presents, or spending time with my friends, but no..... instead, i'm working.  stupid adult responsibility!  i hates it.  (i think that it bears noting that i have over two weeks of personal time and one week of sick time that i could have taken, but i was the bigger person and didn't call in today.  just saying.)

also, they cleaned the library carpets, and now the break room smells both like pee and like something died back there.  just to add the icing to the "i don't want to be here today" cake.  and how do "clean" carpets smell like that anyway?  i never smelled them at all when they were dirty.  why, god?  and to add insult to injury, the school districts have all decided that the kiddos deserve a one-week thanksgiving break so i have random children from ages 5 to 19 running about the library generally causing trouble and being no good.  

an addendum: i just helped a patron with glaucoma fill out a money order for ten dollars- to send to "feed the hungry".  he was the nicest man, and just wanted to help people overseas.  he couldn't buy the two guinea pigs or anything, but he wanted to make sure somebody had a nice christmas.  (his words.)  that just made my day worth it.  see?  i shouldn't speak so quickly.  there's always a reason you are somewhere.  (even if you don't really want to be there- which i still don't.)

addendum #2:  i have finished two pairs of socks and one cowl in the christmas knitting marathon.  i don't want to jinx myself, but i think i'm doing pretty well. 

biting off too much

i knit.  i have been knitting so long that it's moved past the "hobby" stage and into "lifestyle choice".  i think it changed right after college, when i started my first little job at the library.  one of the other library ladies was taking a knitting class from the yarn store across the street- for $60 a class, which didn't include materials. i found that to be utterly ridiculous (and still do. that much for a "learn to knit" class?  highway robbery, i tells ya.) and offered to teach her to knit for $50.  (undercutting the competition, you see.)  at that point, i had known how to knit for seventeen years.  my grandmother taught me when i was six- mostly because i was bugging her and she wanted me to keep my ADD ass still for ten minutes.  so i knew the basics- had knit scarves and hats, but it wasn't something i did every day.  it was funny though.  even though my co-worker didn't take me up on my generous offer, i did get the itch to knit something.  so i bought yarn (good yarn.  i knew that much even then) and needles, checked out "Stitch and Bitch" from the library, and proceeded to start my first project in years.  it was love/obsession at first touch. 

that was five years ago. i'm still obsessed.  i knit every day now- in fact, it feels weird to not be knitting whenever i have downtime.  my hands miss my needles.  i even have a very large knitting tattoo that i'm inordinately proud of.  my spare cash goes to stash improvement, and yarn is slowly taking over my house.  slowly.  i'm broke, and my husband frowns on not paying the utility bill.  however, i seem to have staved off the worst part of the mania- at least until this year.  this year, i'm trying to knit christmas.  lord help us all.

so far, it's only five pairs of socks, two chunky cowls, and something for the two people who's names i will randomly draw at thanksgiving, more or less.  (sometimes, people are adverse to knitted gifts.  i still have no idea why.  those people get giftcards or soap.  that's just how it is.)  i've even already started.  i have all the yarn, the right needles, and, currently at least, quite a lot of motivation.  i just have this feeling that this idea is gonna derail and turn into me frantically knitting until three in the morning every day of the last week before christmas.  we'll see.  i'll keep everybody posted, but if those who know me see me with a twitch over my eye and yarn burns on my fingers starting in about a month, you'll know that i've bitten off more than i can chew.  normally, i don't question the need to knit- but this time?  i'm scared. 

woot! i have a blog!

wow... i have been toying with the idea of making a blog for a while now.  i'm always thinking of amusing and bizarre things that happen to me in my various walks of life, but have never gotten around to writing them down.  i'll try now.  we'll see how it goes- hopefully i'm more faithful to this than i was to that diary i had in fifth grade. 

so then, a bit about me (to give my nonsense perspective): i'm the oldest child in an adoptive family of thirteen children.  that was not a typo.  thirteen.  i have nine younger brothers and three younger sisters, and we have all been homeschooled for most of our childhoods.  as you might have guessed, my parents are nuts.  i'm married to a lovely fellow who's family is also nuts, but in a more normal way.   i am both a librarian and a barista.  i barista at the local university, which basically involves providing students with their addictions (at least a couple of them) and realizing that the world is going to go all to hell if these dang kids actually get their intended jobs when they graduate.  (example: a nursing student asked me the other day what the difference was between a muffin and a bagel.  my response: "well, one's a muffin and one's a bagel."   she replied, "well you don't have to be all smart about it!"  i responded with: "Well apparently, neither do you.")  being a librarian pretty much involves the same thing, except for i deal with the general populace.   man, how the human race has survived this long is a mystery to me.

i also knit avidly, play online games occasionally, tabletop games even more, read as much as possible, and love to cook.  hopefully, i'm also slightly amusing.  i'll have life pictures whenever i can get my cat to stop eating the camera cord.