ambition

ahhhh.  finally.  after too many months, i seem to be pulling myself out of the funk that i've been in.  it's been since september, i think, that i really was completely happy and at ease, and i am truly thankful to return to even a shadow of my former happiness.  i don't know whether it was the seasons changing (winter is always hard for me) or my relationship/ room mate issues chronicled in another post, but this winter was challenging.  i'm hoping it's getting better.  with the return of my positivity, i'm suddenly becoming professionally confident again.

today i did something that i never have done before.  i applied for a job with a different district, in a different city.  i have NO IDEA if i will even be considered for the job, but i meet all the criteria.  it's not like it's far away- only a thirty minute drive from where i live now- but the fact that i'm even actively looking elsewhere is a huge step for me.  quite the departure from the norm.  of course i'm scared.  but i keep telling myself that the worst thing that could happen is that they will tell me no.  and how badly off would that leave me?  exactly where i am right now.  and really, that's not bad at all. 

i keep wondering why this is something that is hard for me.  after all, i just put in an application- it's not like i'm a shoe-in, or that they even know me.  i don't have an interview.  it was just the application.  nothing more.  i guess it's more symbolic for me- a sign that i don't have to be tied to the same city i grew up in, that i'm completely willing to branch out.  (i'm trying to forget that most of my in-laws live there, and that i spent quite a lot of time there when my husband and i were dating.  it's a new city, dang it.)  and i want this.  i want to do more.  i'm professionally ready to do more.  and with nine rejections in my district, i think that perhaps a change is in order.  and i'm ready. 

and i'm totally putting the cart before the horse.  i know this.  i can't let myself get too excited about anything, because at least for me, that makes the rejection so much worse.  but.... but.....  i'm excited.  because i made that first step, and that's one of the best feelings i've had in a very long time. 

in other news- i am knitting for me and loving it.  i finished the first of a set of colorwork mittens (my first time doing colorwork, which knocks one of those new year's resolutions right off the list.  one down, like nineteen million more to go) and it looks lovely.  i'm really happy with how they seem to be turning out!  i've also finished one of a pair of boot socks for me (are yall starting to sense a theme here?)  and i love them as well.  the yarn for the socks was a goodbye present from my library friend who retired (the one with all the yarn... remember her?) and it's a little sad to knit it, but the socks will be lovely.  next up- stash enrichment.  i used all my yarn at christmas.  and with the income tax coming in......  ahhh, dreams.  it'll be good.