hi there ducklings! i thought i might just drop in and give all of you a brief update on my life. it's been.... odd. i'm happy with what's going on, for the most part, but everything i'm doing right now gives me a slight bitter taste in my mouth- like fruit that's still pretty good but just starting to turn, or a really good cheese that might just have sat in the fridge a day too long. like it's still tasty, but there's that hint of "not ok". it's enough to make you think, "maybe i shouldn't have eaten that.... wow, i really hope i don't get sick." even though you enjoyed it. this is what my life tastes like right now.
odd thing number one: my job. for the most part, i love what i'm doing. i'm currently a mobile librarian, which isn't to say that i work on a mobile library, but that i myself am mobile. i drive to rural areas to provide library support to the local schools, enabling the entire population to have access to materials and resources- not just the children who are attending. that is very rewarding. that part of the job i love- seeing the kids and their parents come in every day, planning crafts and story times, encouraging participation in the summer reading program... this is all wonderful, and exactly what i want to be doing. i'm excited to start implementing adult programming in the fall, and to start preparing my communities for the new "real" libraries that will be built starting next year. it's exhilarating. it's awesome, and fun, and makes me proud. but- ahh, you say, where's the bitter with all that sweet?
i hate my boss. with a passion. she's not a bad person, in fact, she's quite nice- but she's absolutely horrible to work for. she never provides information i need, never provides the proper training, forgets to tell me crucial pieces of information i need to do my job properly, and every single time i ask to do something new or different or better or slightly outside my job description, she stonewalls me. simply shuts me down. and belittles me in the process. oh, she does it kindly- i really don't think that she means anything but well in her head- but when i get told things like "well, you just don't know- you're new" or "that's just not how we do things here, you'll understand more once you get your feet wet" or "it's not you your volunteers are working for, it's the district- you need to remember that you have no real authority there" i want to scream. i have been a working library employee for six years. i have received as much training as i was allowed to get. i know what i'm doing. i've done it before. this is making me nuts. i just want to do my job as well as i know how, and i'm not being allowed to. bitter, bitter, bitter. it makes me want to rinse out my mouth.
odd thing the second: my diet. i've been on the fence with the diet thing for a long time. i've been wanting to get healthy for a while- not skinny, just healthy. i have a lot of familial health risks that are directly tied to being overweight, and i'm determined not to have them. i want to still be able to walk up stairs when i'm fifty, and i don't want to get diabetes, so i finally decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. what a concept, eh? so i called a friend who has done it, and she helped me come up with a manageable diet plan that i think i might actually be able to follow- i've already made it a record four days. (yeah i know. i'm a pathetic human being with absolutely no will power. so what?) i'm not hungry. i have a lot of people who are helping me. i'm thrilled that this isn't that hard! so what's wrong this time?
my weightloss buddy just decided to move to california. on tuesday. like in five days tuesday. how am i going to do this without my weightloss buddy? i have support from my best friend, and my husband, and i think another friend wants to go on the plan with me, but i need her! yeah i know, i can email and talk on the phone, but it's not the same as knowing that she could drive to my house and slap the shit outta me if i decide that my diet choice that day is going to be eating a pint of icecream and lying around in my underpants watching the mentalist. (i'm not saying i've ever made this choice. i certainly didn't make it a couple of saturdays ago. you have no proof.) i'm just a little bitter. she's making the choice she needed to make, for personal reasons, so i can't begrudge her. i just am selfishly sad that she has to go now! man... it tasted so good.
there are more odd things going on- things that are so good, but have that lingering aftertaste of regret, or anger, or sadness.... i want to be satisfied. i should be satistfied.... but i'm not. i need something perfectly delicious to come along. here's to hoping! (maybe it's just because i'm new.... or not.)
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